ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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