Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
