my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
