If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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