her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
