we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize