Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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