We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize