I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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