This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
