I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
