I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
