Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
