So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
