Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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