One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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