Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
