porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
