But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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