I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
