I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
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The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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