trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
