when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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