i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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