i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
