She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
