It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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