I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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