yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
