as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
