another moral hangover. fuck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
