dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
