Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
