hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
