love makes seman taste better
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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