i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
