that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm passing your future prison.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
