My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
