True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
