Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
