My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
