I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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