so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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