I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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