i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
