threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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