he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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