i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
