NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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