I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would ride that face into the sunset
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