if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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