Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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