If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
