I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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