Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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