Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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