I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
