I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
