I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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