No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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