You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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