I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
