I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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