Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
