Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are my feet made of real feet?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
