so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
