what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
