I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
