So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
