The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
