Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
honey bunches of taint.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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