Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
