high people should be assigned attendants
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
