I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
